Christie Lee
by Jasmine James
Summary: He has her though and it hurts so much to see them together. Every kiss they share, every time, I feel ready to cry. The way his eyes wander over her when she walks by. He would never look at me like that. He loves her. Not me. ONE-SHOT


**Okay. I thought I would make this one for all the Steve fans out there! We don't get enough good fics! So to all other Steve fans out there, you rule. I also have a special message to my good friends, RAE REEGAN and CHASE01: Yes, I AM DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH STEVE RANDLE. ;)**

**-Jasmine**

April 13, 1968

Dear Diary,

Steve Randle will never know just how much I love him. Sure, we had our night but he loves Evie. He was so drunk he doesn't even remember everything. We had been put in the closet together and I was in heaven, I just loved him so much... But then the next day I saw him with his arms around _her_. He'll always remember _their_ times together. Never ours. That day he came up to me and told me to forget what happened, a bit of me just died. I shouldn't love him, but I do.

It's torture to see him walk by my house every morning on his way to his friend's. He smirks and combs his hair, stopping every now and then to tie his shoe or itch his foot. He looks so amazing in his jeans and his vest, he almost never wears a shirt under it... It's sick how I watch him. He's never seen me and I don't think he ever will. I'm just a speck in his life.

Why would he like me when he has her? She's beautiful with her long brown hair and light blue eyes. She has everything he could ever want. Long legs, full lips. I'm never going to even catch his eye.

I see him at work all the time. I blend in with all the girls who come by to see Sodapop so no one ever pays any attention to me. I'm not there for Sodapop though, I'm there for Steve. He's so perfect. Why do I love him? Is it the way he jokes with Soda? The smirk he always wears? Maybe it's how good he looks without a shirt and grease staining his chest.

He has her though and it hurts so much to see them together. Every kiss they share, _every_ time, I feel ready to cry. The way his eyes wander over her when she walks by. He would never look at me like that. He loves her. Not me.

Does he even remember me? We haven't talked in months. Though I still watch him. I still dream about him. Could he maybe see me? Can he feel my eyes on him every time he moves? Can he sense me hanging on his every word? No, I'm nothing to him.

It hurts so much. It's like a hole in my heart that grows every time I see him. I just want to shout to the world, "I am in love with Steve Randle!" but I can't, because he isn't mine. He never will be.

The worse part is he knows how desperately in love with him I am. I got my courage up one day when him and Evie weren't together and just told him I love him. What did he do? He laughed. He laughed in my face. I can still hear his voice, "You're kidding right?" It hurt so much. I went along with it though. I told him it was a bet and I had to say that to him. It was the most _painful_ thing I had ever done.

So I watch him from a far. I can't ever let him know. He doesn't love me he thinks I'm just some stupid kid. You can't help who you love though, right? He's gotten back together with Evie and I heard him telling one of his friends that once he got out of school he was going to save up money to buy her a ring.

I started dating someone else. His name is Carl and he loves me. He treats me nice and like a lady but that's not what I want. I'll never love Carl but I'll marry him. We'll have a nice family and live in a nice neighborhood and have nice, respectable, kids. We'll spend Christmas with his parents and New Years with mine. I'll smile and brag about his nice job to my friends. They're all jealous and they know I'll make it out of Tulsa.

I don't want to though. I don't want Carl. He's respectable and sweet and would never hurt me but he's not what I want. I want someone who will make me crazy, in a good way. I want to keep guessing. Carl? Every time I kiss him, every time he holds my hand and tells me he loves me I feel my soul die. I say it back, too and I feel horrible. I'm leading him on and he believes me! He thinks I love him but I don't. I can't. I'm in love with Steve Randle and there's nothing I can do about it but watch and hope that he might notice me someday. I know he wont though, but I can hope. He doesn't love me, he loves Evie, she loves him and he loves her. Not me. Steve Randle would never waste his time with me.

I'm just a stupid kid.

Sincerely,

Christie Lee


End file.
